The day is coming to a close for me soon … it’s almost 8pm and I finished my workout and settled into my spot in my room reading over the wonderful supportive comments you all sent me. It was real scary for a bit – I was so close to caving in – had the money in my pocket, thought about going for the drive… but I stayed home. I read emails. I blogged. I made supper. I shed some tears today. I talked to a friend. I talked to the crisis line about my daughter. I talked to the counselor about when my daughter will be picked up by a long term worker… I then took my daughter out to buy her shoes, a belt and bracelets to wear with her dress for her graduation on Monday (money I would have spent on booze). I did not drink – but I really really really wanted to today. I was almost resentful about feeling so bad about even thinking that I’d screw up this challenge and have to start over again at day 1. That would be like every other time for me and I know that if I do that – if I fail before I reach the 100 days, it would be devastating to me at this point.
Sure I’m not doing so great in the food department (yet)… But I am exercising faithfully and have been for the past 9 weeks (well my 9th week starts Monday).
The voices in my head – I thought they were mine but I guess it’s that fucken asshole WOLFIE invading my mind – knowing I’m vulnerable and weaker right now because of the other emotionally draining stuff I’m experiencing but the ‘pledge’ of not drinking no matter what for 100 days is what I brought up and re-read… Sure things are pretty hard right now – sure it would be easy to give in – but what then?!
Victory is mine and this day 33 is one I won’t soon forget. I have the rest of the weekend to contend with – but for now I’m going to take it one hour at a time… Thanks again for all of your support and words of wisdom… I am very grateful! Whatever it takes right… to get me through this…