We’re winding down #SoberSeptember and I love to keep new and fresh challenges going for people who may want to hop on what I call this most amazing Sober Train! I’m on this train for good now but want to really show you how good you can feel with just one month of cutting out alcohol in your life!
When you #LoseDaBooze – you open the door to so many great things. It’s like that saying, you must clear out clutter to make room for the new. That’s what alcohol was for me. I used it as a coping mechanism to mask or numb many of life’s challenges. I used it for every excuse – to celebrate, or because I was tired or because I deserved it… but do you know what I deserve more of? The peace, the clarity and the FREEDOM that comes with sobriety!
I danced with the idea of moderation over 5 years… I went for long stretches of alcohol free (AF) stints – 30 days, then 100 days a few times over, and my last longest 174 days (just shy of 6 months). Each time I re-introduced ‘da booze… I slipped back to old ways and patterns and I noticed just how unhappy I felt.
When I compare or list all the reasons why I drink and how it makes me feel versus when I don’t drink and how amazingly positive my life is – it’s like a no brainer… SERIOUSLY!
Gone are the cravings from my mind … this longing for a substance that was clouding my life in so many ways. The alcohol was preventing me from reaching my health goals, my dreams and it was stopping me from pursing my passions! I’m now able to freely say I’ve retired that habit that no longer serves me or my purpose in life. I have BIG dreams and I’m going for them with a renewed energy and focus!
Don’t you want a taste of how this feels? I encourage you to jump in… Join our Lose ‘da Booze 100 Day Secret Success Group… (you need to friend me on Facebook if you want me to add you). Secret means it’s beyond a closed group – so people can’t even find our group so it won’t show up on your news feeds in any way. While I’m more public about my journey now because I want to help others achieve this … I understand that it is something many still wish to keep private.
So what do you say?! Are you ready to join in for R’October Sober with us?! It’s time for YOU to #LoseDaBooze and discover the gifts of being AF!!
I haven’t posted one of these Sober Time pics in a while because I’m no longer really counting days (but I still love their quotes). Today’s was perfect as it describes my journey to getting to a point where I can confidently say I’m DONE. I’m retiring from the booze habit. As you’ll see from this blog dating back to 2013 when I first joined the sober blogging world – my intentions were to complete a 100 day AF challenge … but I kept wavering on my commitment. I kept making excuses and I kept thinking I could manage to moderate or control my intake better as I had in the past… where I would only have a couple maybe once a week.
But as time went by – and even after some great successes, I found myself sliding back to old patterns and also regaining the weight that I had lost when I did manage to stay sober for longer periods.
What I have come to accept is that 40 years is ENOUGH and that I need to make room for healthier living.
Tonight I’m not feeling so great. It’s the first night since my last drink on August 12, 2018 that I feel crappy. I’m headachy and tired and sore. This feeling is what would often lead me to grabbing a drink to numb out this shitty feeling but not anymore. Now I’m recognizing it, journaling it and soon I’ll be going to bed to give my body the rest it’s telling me it needs.
There’s tons going on this month with my daughter and her appointments, it’s ramping up at work and I have my own personal development that I’m working on. What I can’t forget in all of this is maintaining a good balance.
So tonight for the first time in about 3 weeks I emotionally ate a bit to soothe some of these feelings. It’s not the go to behavior I want to revert to as I know it (like booze) won’t help anything. So I’m reflecting and thinking of how I can better handle it next time. It’s all about the H.A.L.T. analogy and awareness. I’ve been feeling it all day … and perhaps what I should have done is come home to take a nap to shake it off…
In no way was booze even a temptation for me though – because it’s off the table for me now. It’s now about finding NEW coping mechanisms… healthier ones and so that’s where I’m off to. To put on my meditation and call it a night.
I’ll be back to write a bit more once I hit the one month mark as I’ll be counting months – not days – to reaching my FIRST One Year AF Milestone!
10 days away from the ‘end’ of this one year experiment and I’m sharing a blog to say that I am FINALLY at a place where I find myself rising above the ashes of the booze life that I lived… for 40 years!!
I was 12 when I first snuck booze from my mom’s bottle of rye (at the time she was drinking heavily – 40oz a day on some days). I would sneak it bit by bit into a cup and hide it under my bed. Then I’d take a can of pop and pour some in and would go out and be ‘the cool kid’ who had a drink with her and everyone wanted a taste. When I was younger – I had very low self-esteem and didn’t fit in. Up until puberty – I was very much the nerdy buck tooth glasses wearing girl that no one looked at twice. I longed to fit in and this was how I started with alcohol in my life.
I grew up with parents and family who drank pretty heavily. I witnessed a lot of messed up evenings with fights, arguments, threats with a gun… My drinking ramped up when I was legally of age and was able to go to bars at the age of 19. At that time I was in a relationship with a man who was abusive towards me (psychologically and physically) – so I guess I drank to cope or mask the pain and shame of it all.
I have a history of other instances where I was inappropriately touched by a priest when I was an alter girl and propositioned by a neighbor when I was super young (he was offering me candy in exchange for me to play with him) and there were more instances of abuse spanning into my adult year and at times when I drank too much and allowed things to happen …
When I met my now ex-husband – I was trying to get out of the physically abusive relationship and as my dad put it – I jumped from the frying pan into the fire. At the time my ex was drinking a lot too. I guess you could say I went with ‘if you can’t beat them – join them. After the birth of my 2nd daughter I experienced post-partum depression and began drinking more heavily. I went through a really dark phase. Then in 2002 my world fell apart when my ex left me and my mom died. There is so much more to the story … but fast forward to today and all I can say is the process of my transformation and conclusion to being who I am today is BECAUSE of all I’ve lived through.
I took my last drink on August 12th 2018 (was done by 9pm). I have 102 days where I have had drinks in this experiment and have now finally had my moment of ‘CLICK’ if you will… to say that I’m retiring this habit that no longer serves my life or life purpose! For 40 years it has brought in so much SHIT into my life! Sure I can romanticize and there were some good times in there (the ones I can remember lol)… but overall booze basically was associated with negative experiences for me.
Releasing it from my lifestyle has brought a new freedom! Like the Phoenix Rising – the transformation time is NOW! There’s no looking back and only great things to look forward to. I hope to be able to help others get to this point as I continue to lead/facilitate the amazing Lose ‘da Booze 100 Day Success Group… and can’t wait to see what the future holds for me!!
So as September nears… and so does my Birthday … I say YES of course to #SoberSeptember and hope others will jump in… for 30 days… or for 100 or for LIFE!! #LoseDabooze for good… Gain LIFE!!
As I near the end of my experiment – I wanted to post/share some observations…
having the window open to ‘allow’ for some drinks is harder than just taking the option off the table (I now have 102 days with drinks – matching my 2017 AF days total of 263 Days AF in my one year experiment)
breaking my streak at 174 days was a mistake – I’ve been struggling to remain AF ever since
acknowledging that after 40 years of drinking (as I started at the age of 12) is a long enough drinking career that I can put it to rest and retire that part of my life (turning 52 on Sept 3)
alcohol makes me FAT (I’ve regained 40lbs)
alcohol makes me lazy and robs me of my self-confidence and self-esteem
alcohol does NOT provide what I seek out…. SOBRIETY delivers all that alcohol promised (joy, peace of mind, clarity, health, happiness, less anxiety, etc)
alcohol robs me of my motivation to go after my dreams and keeps me stuck
it’s ok to say NO (and that is a complete answer) – no explanations are required if I choose to NOT drink
There are so many more positives to sobriety. My January desire was to live 2018 Sober and Clean… and I will have done so for 263 days… but my lesson learned is that I need to put distance between me and ‘da booze once and for all. My intentions going forward are to simply take out the wishy washy – “I’m going to try” and just simply and plainly DO IT!
Since 2013 – when I first started this blog, I have been trying to work the moderation or trying to negotiate with myself how to best do this. It’s been an exhausting 5 years. 2015 was when I first FINALLY succeeded in doing 100 consecutive days AF and that followed into January when I started our ‘secret’ Facebook Lose da Booze 100 Day Success Group. Since then I’ve had the honor of being a part of just over 200 members and their journey and best of all I’ve observed many members go BEYOND the 100 days to losing ‘da booze for good!
As the creator of the group… I think I’m there … retiring my alcohol habit of 40 years of drinking… heavy daily drinking for a period of time in there following really tough moments in my life… to where I am today. I think I’m finally ok to say I’m done and there’s just nothing left in that habit that will serve my future purpose and dreams! Here’s to celebrating my next ‘ONE’ … Year that is of sobriety which is the next milestone I’m going for!
Checking in mid-point into #DryJuly… and nearing the end of my ‘one year experiment’ leading up to my 52nd birthday on September 3rd.
This week has been great as I’ve been off work (only worked Monday) after somewhat of a break down last week as I was feeling burnt out and broken with all the stressors relative to my daughter’s mental health issues and the challenges they bring. But being AF has kept me strong and allowed me to focus on strategies and solutions including making my morning workouts non-negotiable again and doing daily personal development.
The guilt that comes with drinking for me just isn’t worth it anymore. The feeling of ‘I deserve it’ thinking of “I deserve a drink after this or that…” is gone and what I want MORE is to feel as I do today… Stronger, more energetic, having more clarity and purpose again. I’ve come across a few great resources this week including Rachel Hart’s podcast on this topic and the other one was a blog post that reminded me how I seriously DON’T want to go back to day 1 again (The Obstacle Course). I’m also listening to Brendon Burchard’s High Performance Habits which has a ton of great ideas and tools to help me get back on track in many ways.
The group that I created (Lose ‘da Booze 100 Day Success) is also doing well and we share resources from various places. I don’t put limitations on what #sobertools we can get our hands on. I hope to someday be the resource that someone refers others too as I continue with my mission to #LoseDaBooze in my life (and let go of the hold that alcohol had on me).
In our group I try to collect resources and share in files so we have a go to reference – things like distractions, sober tools links, quotes, photos of our face to face before and after…
Staying AF for me means staying busy and finding a purpose… and I feel like I’m back and today will be the day I create a NEW (updated) vision board which I’ll share a bit later once it’s completed.
The alone time at home doesn’t come often anymore so I’m going to savor it and get my day started… it’s amazing how much gets done when you don’t drink (and also a raw realization of how much time is wasted when we DO drink). We choose and today is a beautiful day to continue this awesome sober streak I’m on! Are you with me?
July 1st is just around the corner and boy am I ready to make some changes. Since March – I’ve been struggling… and a big part of that struggle is having fallen back into a pattern of allowing drinks back into my life.
I’m still of the mindset that I’m not ready to say NO forever (for today – although I am beginning to believe it would be the easiest solution to just say “I don’t drink booze anymore)… I do know I need to get back to where I was … like this photo at 3months AF (alcohol free)…
With major stressors – I’ve turned to drinks as a coping mechanism to let go, to forget, to numb myself out… but I KNOW it’s not the healthy way to do things. So I’m gearing up to get back on the Sober Train and one day at a time – hope to finish this year completely sober!
I’m not in control of certain things going on around me – but this is a choice I can make and something I DO have control over….
Not everyone has an issue with alcohol and some can take it or leave it – or stop at 1 drink or two… I unfortunately don’t fall into that category and it’s taken me a long time to just accept that. Since 2013 I strived to reach 100 Days AF and finally succeeded in doing to in 2016 and then I started a group to have others join in. It’s a secret/private group because this issue is not something everyone is open to sharing … here on SP the Cutting Down the Booze team nears 1000 members… With the non-judgmental support of the community – I have greatly improved my AF stats and working to continue doing so! My last longest stretch of consecutive AF days was 174 days!
The other factor that alcohol hinders is my advancement to reaching my health goals. I have regained most of the weight that I had lost and my lowered motivation, lowered self-esteem, anxiety, depression has come back into play.
I need to shake myself off and jump back on the wagon to greater health! The stressors in my life will be better handled when I am strong again – healthy and SOBER. I will be stronger because I’ll be eating healthier, and exercising more regularly again. Exercise REALLY is the BEST Medicine!!
So it starts with a #DryJuly …
And I hope it will close the second half of 2018 – Sober & Clean… AND Lean … Health4Life – this is not a ‘diet’ but a lifestyle!!
It’s time!! It’s not too late to make 2018 the BEST year of your life!! Join me!!
It is now post-vacation time and I have re-started my AF consecutive days to finish off my one year experiment. I have 69 days that I’ve had drinks out of 269. I feel pretty great about that! While I did slip back to more drinking than intended – I am back to basics using the #SoberTools that I know work for me. I’ve restarted the Sober Time counter. I’m back to blogging and posting more. I’m back to my workouts and eating healthier. Surprisingly this time (so far) the cravings aren’t too bad and my cravings for sugar haven’t been as out of control (although I am only on day 3 of this re-start).
I’m still dealing with a lot of stress relative to my daughter and her mental health issues – but feel stronger and more renewed after taking that week off ‘vacation’. I’m also working on setting healthy boundaries so that I can stay balanced and maintain my own sanity as we continue to navigate this difficult stuff.
I’m winding down after a successful 3rd day and with the first weekend coming up – I’m confident I will stay on track as I am having gum surgery on Friday so I’ll be on mostly a liquid diet – but it WON’T include any booze! I’m here to get back to taking care of my body and letting go of this booze habit that has been robbing me of joy! I’m excited to have others in the group restarting with me (Secret Facebook Group – Losedabooze 100 Day Success Group – send me a message if you want to join in).
The new month is just ahead and I’m excited about a clean month ahead!! Today is day 150 into the year… and here’s the daily guidance from Doreen Virtue’s book…
I took a pause and stopped blogging and then realized it’s time to speak out and up about this. I slipped back into some daily drinking habits and with this month being about alcohol awareness – I am yet again having to acknowledge that I have issues with too much booze.
I have 188 days AF and 37 drinking days in this one year experiment so far and what I will share with you are my raw and honest observations about this slip and how it’s made me feel … if for nothing else to be a wake up call for me.
I’ve regained weight and feel bloated and terrible
I am back to living life on the couch and lack motivation to move
I am making lame excuses or jokes about my drinking – like it’s ‘ok’ to drink again (but it’s really NOT)
I have anxiety, depression and worry filled sleepless nights (tossing and turning and thinking about how this is NOT working again)
I am pissed off at myself for slipping backwards yet again…
So what does this all mean? Well – it means it’s time to be HONEST with myself again and just do what I came to do this year… Live the year sober and clean and get back to AF living!
Let got of guilt and let more clarity back in!
Today I’m back to day one with my eye on 200 days AF as my next ‘goal’ … and beyond!!
I’m grateful for each moment … for our group (Lose ‘da Booze 100 Day Challenge) and for the ability to get back to a place of peace and sobriety.
Five days since my last post and another VERY close call. This time I even went into the liquor store and picked up my favorite drinks (a bottle of vodka, a bottle of wine and some coolers)… (PS – the picture above is me having an AF sparkling apple/peach ZERO alcohol drink in my fancy wine glass)
But before I went out to get this here’s what I did… First – I posted a real video about the struggle and internal dialogue I was having and how I was feeling frustrated… I was frustrated because the weekend I was supposed to have alone while my fiance went ice fishing didn’t happen because of the weather. I was feeling frustrated playing taxi to my daughter and having to basically have my schedule twarthed at the mercy of her activities. I felt resentful. I wanted a break – something to do for ME!! I also felt like the pink cloud effect of losing ‘da booze was gone and frustrated with my daily excessive eating of junk foods and felt that perhaps if I could shake things up – I could shock myself back on track or something. I reached out to a girlfriend and called her to say how I was feeling. I posted the video in my Facebook group (Lose ‘da Booze 100 Day Challenge) and I also even called my fiance to tell him how I was feeling. So as I stalled the caving in (because I did have booze in the house I could have had a quick drink with) – I went through this process.
The next thing that happened was all the thoughts in my head… how I’d have to reset my counter on my app and how just last week my article was featured stating publicly my one year commitment to no alcohol… and how bad it would feel to have to go back on my word. You see – when you put yourself out there publicly – it’s not easy but it’s the best accountability you can do for yourself! Not only do I NOT want to disappoint myself – but I don’t want to let others down as I lead the team on SparkPeople (Cutting Down the Booze) and in my group on Facebook.
I drove into town… stopped at Walmart first and picked up junk food eats (because I always tell people early in the game it’s ok to give in to eats and treats to help you stick to you AF goal as a first priority). Then stopped at the liquor store… and here’s what I came home with.
The booze got put away and I opened the bag of chips and started cleaning the kitchen. Then I got called away to play taxi again (another reason I have to stay sober). I ended the night SOBER… but did cave into the treats you see here.
Waking up this morning I feel good about not caving in (even though my mind tried to convince me I did great and beat my 100 day goal with 174 days and allowing myself one or two days ‘off’ then getting back to it would be ok… I’m glad my friends commented with support saying otherwise as I would have been mad at myself and feel even more regret if I’d have to start back at Day 1 today without successfully completing my ONE year goal of no booze!
I am however feeling like I have a FOOD hangover from all the junk eats I did cave into and now need to step up my challenge to deal with this emotional eating which is basically just another coping mechanism. I’ve started to arm myself to do this as I did when I committed to going AF – I joined a few groups and will now post a challenge to the NO S diet … No snacks, no sweets and no seconds!! I’m going to work on planning my meals for the week with just 3 meals a day – no snacking in between (as that is what gets me because once I start I can’t seem to stop).
So it’s not Day 1 for being AF again – but today is my DAY ONE of No S’s!! Next Saturday is my 6 month milestone of being AF and time to kick the junk food habit!!
Cheers to one more badge earned!! Life is good these days even with the challenges that arise… I’m staying strong and no longer think about going to ‘da booze as a way to cope. Instead I think about my workouts, reading, taking a bath, meditating, going for a walk, checking in with our Losedabooze group or calling a friend.
These are the #sobertools that will help me reach my health goals!
Here’s to the next month ahead and hitting the half year mark! I haven’t gone this long since my last pregnancy … 17 years ago!!