I loved this poster and love Dr. Dyer (got to meet him in person on an I Can Do it at Sea Caribbean Cruise 2 years ago). It reminds me that this journey of mine is my own, and while I may compare myself to others in terms of where they are at in their days of sobriety, their success – and my own slips, trips and re-starts (too many to count)… I am in fact making changes and improvements.
I am better than I was before and while I may not be at my best just yet, with each passing day things are getting better.
Today was rough in terms of dealing with more issues with my 12 year old who missed school – again (due to being sick but we ended up getting in to a text war anyways about other issues). It’s truly been draining me and dragging me away from my focus at work. I feel so bad about it. After work I went to meet with her counselor for ‘me’ as a parent to work on parenting strategies and debrief on the session he had with her yesterday. I told him how discouraged I was because despite all the work and time I’m putting into this – it doesn’t seem like we’re making progress, but then I’m reminded that SHE too is likely doing the best she can at this time in her life. She has mental health issues (anxiety, depression, eating disorder/body image issues, bullying stuff at school, etc.) – and her coping skills are not great in that she is self-harming but … like me, this may take some time.
My drinking habits were a form of self-harm even though I was using it as a coping mechanism to soothe away the stress or numb the pain and fuzz away the problems I had to face… when in fact it only delayed me having to truly deal with these situations. Now 22 days sober, I’m seeing this more clearly and accepting the challenges with more strength.
I was very emotional last night and felt ‘blah’ but when I turned in, like it was out of the blue I started crying – not for any particular reason except maybe everything lol. It felt good and I had a good night’s rest. I woke up today feeling better.
Tonight – I dealt with addressing another financial woe/worry and ended up cashing in some old broken gold jewelry items. I didn’t get much but it was stuff that was sitting around doing nothing and it got me enough to cover the bills I wanted to cover. Now I have 3 other pieces that I will bring in to a jewelry store to see about selling those – part of my cleansing and letting go as it was stuff my ex got me and I’m ready to rid myself of it to make room for the new.
De-cluttering my mind in every way – this sobriety is making space in my head to do more and I’m very grateful. Let’s see what tomorrow bring as I continue to strive to do MY Best.