I’m a definitely in a funk with all of this ‘stuff’ … got in day 1 sober again but it wasn’t easy because the cravings were there. Plans to keep it going though as best I can and hoping that day by day I will begin to feel better about everything that is going on around me.
I’m going to re-read or watch The Secret again – because I do believe in the law of attraction and need to somehow shift things into a more positive light. I need to get that visual or feelingization of being ok again and happy and healthy. I’ve been in the place I’m at before and I have pulled through – I will again…
I tried going for a walk and even that was a push to get out there. I’m literally emotionally and physically drained and trying to slowly get my energy back – all the while trying to take care of myself.
I want to be that magnet for GOOD again and I can only do that by recognizing the good that I do have in my life now. A roof over my head, the bare necessities, and my health (well working on my mental health is what’s at hand now).
It doesn’t help that I had a negative conversation yesterday with the ‘dad’ and how he says “I don’t mean to knock you when you’re down..” and proceeded to put blame on me for things that were happening and how he could care less about my happiness (which of course I understand… it’s not about me)… it’s about my kids dammit!
I just feel like I didn’t deserve the shit he threw my way yesterday with all I’m already trying to deal with and it brought me down some more.
I was alone a lot too yesterday – and cried some tears – which feels good, but the reality of my situation hits me like a ton of bricks sometimes and I know it won’t be this way forever but for now it really really really SUCKS!!!
On a pleasant note… I do have my friend who I haven’t seen in almost 3 weeks that I will hopefully get to see on Tuesday. It’s going to be a welcome distraction in all of my home/family drama… a much needed brief escape. I’m hoping that as things slow down for him over the summer we can spend more time together – to balance out some of the stress I’m feeling with the escape and fun with him.
I’m still praying for other types of relief… and working on my money magnet situation… “The Ocean of Live is filled with Abundance – Money Flows to me Easily”… Ask, Believe, Receive… it’s what must be done.
Things will get better… moving forward into the new day.