When life happens – sometimes things either go out of focus or become extremely clear. What is going on for me is beyond my issue about whether or not I have a problem with alcohol, but rather a more serious problem with my daughter who is self-harming.
While I was sober yesterday – I can’t say that I feel anything about it. I simply just don’t care about this matter right now. What I am praying for right now is for a miracle to happen. For me to catch some kind of break in all of this turmoil. It has been going on for 3 months and I’m seriously exhausted.
I am accessing all services I can and it’s still not enough. Now my oldest will be going away to visit her grandmother leaving me alone with the 12 year old who is self-harming and can’t really be left alone. As a single mom – this poses a major problem. I can’t afford NOT to work. I feel as though my life is just completely out of my hands – and while I know many have it worse than me – I simply don’t want to hear that right now.
What I need is to catch some kind of a break. From the worry, the pressures, a place to find my peace again.
I dread each day now wondering ‘what next’… and while I have practiced the power of positive thinking – right here, right now… my system is depleted and so I am praying for a miracle… for my daughter to pull out of this… for us to have a ‘normal’ life again.
It’s crazy how we take for granted just living a peaceful life .. and how I miss it as I live in this constant turmoil right now. I just don’t know where else to turn anymore. And so I continue to pray every day – and hope that soon I’ll be able to focus on good and positive things again.