There are times when I think of the efforts I’m making to truly change my way – to that of living a sober life – that I still question ‘can I truly do this?!’
I honestly at times feel almost resentful that this is an issue for me this alcohol affair. Why can’t I just be ‘normal’ and be able to enjoy it socially without it leading to binges?! I guess the fact that I’m still questioning if I can do this for good worries me even – and then I keep bringing myself back to TODAY and now, and yes for today I was sober.
I will admit coming home and even thinking today is Friday … you know that saying TGIF – well in my case, a friend from soberistas gave me a more a propos acronym that I felt and will likely feel for a while. OFIF (Oh Fuck It’s Friday)… because come the weekend the mode is being ‘off’ work and relaxing which used to come with me picking up my vodka lime and wine coolers. I’d open it up and have some that evening until bed and then there’d be some left the next day so I’d have some more… and as I saw the levels getting low, I’d start considering getting more and so the binge cycle would happen.
I’m happy to say the thought crossed my mind to get some but I got busy doing other things and it passed and outside of this lingering headache I have going on, I’m feeling good about that. I’m going to turn in soon and look forward to waking up feeling fresh and clear tomorrow – ready to make this a productive weekend.
So while I still have the resentful feelings for having to basically give ‘da booze up – I know that I can spend the same amount of energy being happy about giving this nasty habit up and with time, I know I’ll start to feel better about it as I reap the benefits of being freed from it.
Reading stories and blogs of those succeeding, those struggling and those slipping – keeps me going. I am so grateful to have this space to be able to share and also to hear feedback. I think this was the piece that was missing before for me.
I continue to also use some of my other tools – reading books (currently reading Sober Identity by Lisa Newmann and next is the Soberistas book). I have plans for this weekend that will hopefully keep me busy and AF. I honestly need to get more days under my belt I supposed to feel a bit more confident since I’ve been here before… but I will acknowledge and congratulate myself for staying AF on this Friday night.
I am letting go of ‘da booze… and I’m going to stick this out to get the true happiness in life I deserve … with a clear and sober head.