Yes to going with the FLOW this month… I seriously am in need of a reset and allowing a bit of give on the goals/expectations I have set for myself relative to losing ‘da booze for the month of August. This is not to say I’m going all out drinking daily – but simply by not having this hard fast rule – I think I can live in the moment a bit more as I mentally prepare for the BIG emotional stuff coming up – for my girls, and for me…
I managed 8 days of consecutive AF days in July and finished the ‘last’ day DRY. My stats for July were 15 days AF and 16 days of moderate drinking – and for me that means no getting drunk, passing out/blacking out or doing anything stupid while drinking. It was simply fun social drinks with no regrets! It was also some ‘vacation’ time.
What I do recognize is that allowing this does not line up with my health goals of feeling ‘good’ in my skin. In 3 months I’ve regained just over 30lbs!! How insane is THAT?! I know some of it has to do with the HUGE stress related to my daughter’s newest diagnosis (anorexia nervosa). It was like I was feeding myself the food she wasn’t eating. I was using it for comfort – as I do with booze. So the handle I need to get now is how to manage this emotional eating/drinking to live a healthier and happier life.
For this month though – taking it one day at a time and today will be my first AF day … I managed a short 10mins workout (first one in over a week) and hope to get another workout in and stop eating by 6 or 7pm tonight. I am finishing my FIRST week back at work (4 days) in over a month since the stress leave/vacation/recharge time. That in of itself is a feat for me.
Sometimes we set too many expectations – overwhelm ourselves and in my case, I rebel and say ‘fuck it all’ – I’m done! I am very much an all or nothing kind of person at times and if I push too hard in too many directions – it’s not good. I need to get some balance back and taking a breather with some of the goals I had set out.
What I will say though is that as my 51st birthday approaches – September is MY New Year! I am committing to my 3rd 100 Days starting September 5th (or before) and considering a full ONE year period without ‘da booze … or at least as long as it takes to reach my health goals and maintain it for a bit.
In April I hit the 45lbs weight loss milestone – only to slip back and regain and that SUCKS! I need to change my lifestyle – not for the time it takes to reach my goals but for good! I need to figure out what works to keep me on track and on point! Yes we all have highs and lows – and I certainly observe the cycles I go through (reviewing some memories from last year with my move and my now fiance getting hurt – it was another tough time). Recognizing patterns. Getting to know what works or doesn’t for you. Acknowledging better is better… knowing what tools do and don’t work for me… ALL contribute to my success. So this month is about that – acknowledging what I know to be true for me. Accepting what is. Knowing what I can and can’t change and moving forward by doing the best that I can.
But for today… keeping these thoughts…