Day 170 of 365 – The day that almost didn’t happen

Yesterday was the toughest day I’ve had with respect to urges to cave into drinks. It’s been a hellish week for me. My energy has been off. I have felt out of sorts most of the week with lingering headaches and even feeling dizzy. My blood pressure was up a bit – so stress and weight are definitely a factor. But yesterday was the worse in that I really felt like saying FUCK IT – and have drinks with my company… but I didn’t do it… and very happy about that otherwise I’d have the guilt and remorse to deal with above everything else I’ve been feeling.

I don’t blog daily here but do come to log in and journal when I really feel the need to record a bit of what’s going on. February is a tough month – always has been for me for various reasons (many past memories in this month that bring up feelings, the winter blahs and blues and now MENOPAUSE crap too). There’s also the ongoing struggles as we deal with my daughter’s eating disorder and it is just taking it’s toll on me. I can’t imagine how it must be making her feel as she is the one living with it!!

Thankfully today’s a day off and I finally have my morning to myself (the mornings are my quiet time and I haven’t even had that lately as my daughter was waking up and chatting with me – which is great as she wants to chat but I selfishly miss my peace and quiet time – where’s it’s just about ME).

We don’t have set plans for today – other than the usual, cleaning, laundry and meal prep. I’d say I’d go out to do something but the weather is crap with rain in the forecast so not a good day for outdoor activities. I will get my workouts in (stretching and some cardio) and hope to read/listen to more of my books. Maybe I’ll try to get some de-cluttering done to feel some sense of accomplishment with some house projects since it’s so crappy outside.

I’m also really frustrated with my own issues with food … and struggling with letting go of sugar now. I know it’s not good for my health and a vicious cycle as was the booze so I have to work just as hard on this now as I did with losing ‘da booze! I have been talking about it and not following through – kind of like when I first tried to cut out alcohol back in 2013 and professed I’d do this 100 day challenge that I only just managed to do in 2016. I do hope it won’t take me as long to get this eating stuff under control – but it’s definitely the biggest challenge I face now (especially with my daughter’s eating disorder in the forefront).

So today’s the new day – Monday … a new week and I’m 12 days away from 6 months of sobriety! It’s time to shift away the focus about losing ‘da booze to now losing this sugar addiction that has taken a hold of me.

I’ll be blogging more about this in my SparkPeople blog as it relates more to the health aspect that this website deals with. But I’ll be checking in here periodically to relay how I’m feeling as the months continue leading towards my one year goal of Losing ‘da Booze!

 

8 thoughts on “Day 170 of 365 – The day that almost didn’t happen

  1. Iambizi says:

    good luck in this journey.
    my psychiatrist gives young girls zyprexa 2.5mg to help stimulate their appetites if this is an issue for her.
    bizi

  2. Carole Koudsi says:

    Best wishes to you in your struggle! I know you can make it, despite all the curve balls being thrown your way. You’ve already proven yourself to be tremendously strong and determined. Best wishes for your daughter too. My son had an eating disorder in his late teens that absolutely terrified me! (110 lbs. at 5’11”). He is okay now; thank God (age 34). I am glad your daughter has a mom like you to support her. Hope you still manage to find some “ME” time – so important! Better days ahead! Love, (carole, xO)

  3. Autumn Wonders says:

    So glad you pushed through! Inspiring. May I ask which app that is in your blog pic? Sober Counter? I am just looking for all the assists I can get.
    Thanks so much
    Awonders59

  4. Cheryl Edwards says:

    My hunny keeps making comments about my eating sugary stuff. Yea! we Know! Its hard when there is chemical imbalances going on. Hang 0n!

  5. AdamO says:

    Thank you so much for sharing your story, I related to so much of it. I also think I am a highly sensitive introvert, my moods change depending on who is around me and I adapt my behavior to try to do what I think will make others happy around me. Getting rid of the booze has allowed me to see this more clearly and begin to notice when and how I do this in my life. I also really liked how you said that when you focused on what you were gaining by being sober instead of focusing on what you were missing that it really clicked for you. I do think this is the key and am working on doing this in my life as well. Thank you again loved every word!

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