I thought this picture was quite fitting for how I felt as I broke my 33 day streak of being AF – Wolfie I guess came a calling and I answered. While I don’t consider it a total failure – because I did break my longest record of 30 days and I’m back to being AF today… I have come to realize that I have to stop obsessing over the numbers and ‘counting’.
I have to take things one day at a time and one step at a time. I will say today was tough – after caving in and drinking two days in a row… I felt like it again today if only to calm my nerves but didn’t go there. The night I caved – I didn’t over think it and I actually enjoyed it. I did not wake up hungover or get totally trashed but enjoyed the nice ‘escape’.
I know it’s not a way to escape but my life right now – the loneliness, the drama with my girls, it was like I just wanted a bit of a break. Overall – I want to lose the ‘habit’ of daily drinking – but I’m not sure if I’m ready to be completely sober… so I’m not sure I fit in here anymore.
I want more control over my habits and not the other way around. I am not giving up on changing my habits… and will continue to strive to live a healthier life – whether or not that may involve booze every now and again – well I have to say I’m honestly not ready to say I can be completely AF for life. All I can say for now is I’m AF for today, and that’s good enough for me right now.