80 Days AF – Strength

PicsArt_11-26-07.24.51.jpgI can’t believe I am hitting my 80th Day AF!! Feeling so great about it too! Honestly – I have now been thinking about the ‘end’ of my 100 days as the holidays and socials approach – but with that, I am also looking ahead to starting the NEW year with another 100 days.

This stint has been a learning experience. Learning to deal with stress and emotions in the ‘raw’ – so the strength that I’m getting is not just from my workouts (although I’m proud to say that with the AF days – I’ve been consistently doing my workouts daily NO EXCUSES).

I’m mindful of the time that I’ll allow myself drinks and it’s kind of a test to see how I do – if I revert to old patterns and negative thinking in my head, obsessing over should I or shouldn’t I? Right now it’s an easy NO I’m not drinking. And people respect that and even applaud it saying they could never do it!

What has definitely helped is finding other things to occupy my time – more creative and productive things than sitting my ass on a couch to watch TV (which by the way I rarely do now).

Just yesterday I went to do some nature crafting and created these two lovely pots to decorate our front porch (I just have to add some bling to it today). 15171015_10153774406622563_290848565910596447_n

My last post was about my daughter deciding to move out and this still leaves a big KNOT in my chest – but I’m working through it as best I can. She came over last night for the first time since she left. She wants to take her rabbit with her which I wasn’t sure was a great idea because there are 2 pitbulls where she is staying – but I have to let it go and I told her if anything happens to him it’s her responsibility. We had a nice visit/night last night and I hope today will be good too.

I am still praying that my older daughter secures the apartment for December 15th so they can be together – and I will feel that much better that both my daughters are in a ‘nicer’ place together.

Until then – I’m pushing forward to reach my 100th day! And working out consistently building those muscles in my physical body too! It’s all about balance… mind/body and spirit! Choosing well … and sometimes allowing some ‘cheats’ (I still have a hard time with chocolate and chips cravings lol)… But overall I’m very proud of where I stand today!

Cheers!

Surviving a Heartbreaking Day

My 15 ye2095279668-funny-mothers-day-quotes-from-teenage-daughter-5ar old and I had a horrible message exchange yesterday morning before she headed out to school (or in her words ‘before I forced her to go even though she was sick’). The way she talked to me. The things she said – while I know it was button, pushing really hurt, and I was just at the end of my rope.

This poster above – well she’s only 15 but she’s at the 18 stage and after I dropped her off again in the city (she’s been going over the past month from Thursday night to Monday night so only really here with me 3 nights out of 4) – she said she doesn’t want to come back here anymore and that she is happy where she is in the city.

My older daughter was supposed to get an apartment and she was going to move in with her – this was planned. But her just dropping out of school and not coming home to stay at her boyfriend’s until my older daughter secures a place was NOT in the plans. But I’m done fighting.

She kept saying how miserable I made her. How she cried every day while she was here at our new place. Despite all of MY efforts to try and make this work with the extras that I put in place and even delaying the move for a year. But it’s MY time to be happy too!

I received some supportive words from the Special Education Counselor which helped – and I just broke down and cried… I talk about that a bit in the video (link below) – where she said I hope you feel better… as I wept during our call. She encouraged me to go home and have a nice glass of wine after I dropped my daughter off but I explained that I couldn’t… Day 71 AF – Despite the Stressors

So I’m waking up to day 72 AF. I booked the day off as vacation – but really a mental health day.

I slept in a bit (woke up at 5:30am which is the time I normally leave for work). I’m going to do my workout soon and then I’ll get to some packing for my daughters.

I am a mom who is now alone at home. My partner is still gone hunting (he comes back tomorrow night – and I haven’t shared the details of what has happened as I don’t want to ruin his last day/night there).

I’m going to make the most of it and I will stay positive and on track! I look forward to the days when my daughters reach the age of 25 and come to appreciate all that I’ve tried to do for them.
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70 Days AF – Face to Face

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Have you ever seen the article that shows the ‘face to face’ comparisons when people quit booze? Well this is mine – 70 days in AF and comparing to last year’s photo. I definitely see some positive changes! And as a follow-up to my previous blog – I hit the 30lbs weight loss milestone too!

I have 30 days to reach my FIRST 100 Days AF in about 16 years! And then … I’m back to it come January 1st! I just created a group on Facebook – if you’d like to join in for a 100% AF 100 Days – then click here.

I leave for Hawaii in April and I’m ready to rock another challenge and I have EVERY confidence that I will indeed complete this one! There’s simply no turning back now – almost 75% completed!

So what do you say?! Will you join me in January for 100 days AF?!

One Day at a Time – Day 65!!

Success is truly coming in portions every day! This morning I weighed in and now 1.5lbs away from a 30lbs weight loss for this year!! I credit it to more AF days and more consistency in my workouts.

With no alcohol, I’m also much more mindful of what I eat. I can’t wait to hit the next goal of 70 days (broke it down in 10 days at a time until I reach the ultimate goal of 100 days).

Feeling very PROUD of myself – because there have been some temptations and cravings – but I did not give into them. Instead I worked through it – trying to figure out the true emotions and what it was that I really needed instead. Happy Friday!!

Two MONTHS!!

I did it – I stand today at 62 Days AF – the LONGEST stretch I’ve had in about 16 years!! I’m honestly amazed as I’ve had some challenges thrown my way … some triggers that would normally send me into the ‘numbing’ mode with a few drinks, but I stuck it out.

And I feel pretty GREAT about it! My goal is still to reach 100 days and having come so close a few times to breaking this promise … yet again – well I credit this app (Sober Time) for making me think twice. I’ve always been a visual person so this is definitely motivating me to keep going!

Once I reach my 100 days – I will hit that ‘reset statistics’ tab … but only over the holidays and come January 2017 I’m back to being so much more mindful about my drinking habits as I continue on my lifelong journey to better health!

I’m now into another health challenge with the 21 Day Fix Extreme and I have some people looking to me for motivation so no way do I want to let them down.

I have so many wonderful opportunities showing up in my life – I have no time to be down and out with that booze fog. Tomorrow I go teach for 2 days – something I LOVE and something that earns me as much money as I make in 2 weeks at my regular job.

I don’t believe these opportunities would keep showing up if I didn’t have the will to better my life in every area – and this lozing ‘da booze habit is included… to a place where I can take it or leave it… and perhaps may not even enjoy it or look at it ever in the same way I did in the past!

Feeling super grateful and PROUD of myself too! And check out the added benefit too – the MONEY not spent!! More money to put towards my dream trip to Hawaii in 2017!!

Day 55 Almost Didn’t Happen

just-one-of-those-daysSo I came home tonight and really wanted to cave in and just have a few drinks. I saw some pictures from our event this weekend and I just didn’t like MY pictures and how I looked (comparing myself to others – criticizing everything) and I just wanted to drown out those YUCK feelings. So I ended up eating some junk foods… but I didn’t cave in.

This goes back to my childhood – my low self-esteem and wanting to be like the others or fit in or be as ‘good as them’… but I know that I am unique and I need to stop this insane negative head talk that drives me to want to undo all the GOOD I’ve been doing (and almost caused me to break my AF streak tonight).

So I came downstairs instead … and decided to write it all out – to get it out of my system. I then put together this collage with the quote I thought was appropriate (I also posted it with a write up on my Facebook Like Page).

I am ME and no one else is walking this path. So I am going to keep at this… and keep pushing… Here’s to being I-M perfect ME! With our amazing guests (Mindy Lawhorne from Turbo Jam’s original cast)

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